From: (Claudia Heyman)
Newsgroups: aus.jokes
Subject: Cool Quotes
Date: Wed, 19 Jul 1995 15:28:29 -0400
Organization: Sidj Incorporated
Lines: 187

Cool Quotes


   * A closed mouth gathers no feet.

   * A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

   * A king's castle is his home.

   * A penny saved is ridiculous.

   * All that glitters has a high refractive index.

   * Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

   * Anarchy is better than no government at all.

   * Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.

   * As you read the scroll, it vanishes...

   * Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.

   * Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.

   * Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.

   * Brain -- the apparatus with which we think that we think.

   * BATCH - A group, kinda like a herd.

   * Computer hackers do it all night long.

   * Computer modelers simulate it first.

   * Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.

   * Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.

   * Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

   * Courage is your greatest present need.

   * CLEARASOL - Effective sunspot remover.

   * Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

   * Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.

   * Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.

   * Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's

   * Don't force it, get a larger hammer.

   * Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.

   * Drive defensively -- buy a tank.

   * Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.

   * Entropy isn't what it used to be.

   * Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them use to reality.

   * Familiarity breeds children.

   * God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the

   * Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

   * GAY ABANDON - Homosexual repellent perfume.

   * He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

   * Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

   * Help support helpless victims of computer error.

   * Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.

   * History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.

   * I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.

   * If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were

   * If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!

   * I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

   * In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.

   * It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

   * It works better if you plug it in.

   * It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

   * Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

   * KODACLONE - duplicating film.

   * Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

   * Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something

   * Life's a bitch, then you die.

   * Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

   * Mediocrity thrives on standardization.

   * MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

   * Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

   * NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning

   * Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.

   * Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

   * QUARKBAR - the candy with flavour and charm.

   * QUASIMOTO - 4 wheeled hard-top moped made in France.

   * Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.

   * Screw up your life, you've screwed everything else up.

   * Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.

   * Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.

   * SQWERTY - Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.


   * The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

   * The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

   * The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.

   * The road to to success is always under construction.

   * Those who can't write, write help files.

   * To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.

   * To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.

   * Today is the last day of your life so far.

   * TRAPEZOID - A device for catching zoids.

   * Wasting time is an important part of life.

   * When all else fails, read the instructions.

   * When in doubt, don't bother.

   * When in doubt, ignore it.

   * Xerox does it again and again and again and...

   * XMODEM - A spot-marking transfer protocol.

   * YTERM - A terminal program for queries.


"Fate often puts all the material of happiness into a man's hands just to
see how miserable he can make himself with them."
                                                 - Don Marquis